I went for a massage today. As I was talking to the therapist, he was impressed by how mindful I was about my body. I know how much I drank every day, I track my food, I know how much sleep I get, I wear a pedometer and know my steps, I know about my posture and where I need to improve it, etc. He told me that most people don’t know that much about themselves. Then, he said that I must really want to get better.
When he said it, I didn’t really think much about it because it seemed like such an obvious statement to me. However, now with hindsight, I guess my mindfulness about my life, my body, and everything doesn’t reflect that I want to get relief from migraine or OCD or any other aliment, my mindfulness reflects my commitment to that promise that I made to God so long ago that I would do anything and everything I could to get better from whatever was making me feel so miserable as long as He was by my side. It has been thirty years since I made that promise and even to this day that promise has been the most important one in my life. It influences every aspect of my life more than anything I have ever said or done even my commitment to be a Catholic or to be a wife.
This past Sunday, my office had a Christmas event. We went to the zoo for Christmas lights and there was an opportunity to do a camel ride. I always turned down that opportunity in the past because I thought I weighed too much, but I don’t weigh too much now. So, I decided to be courageous and take the opportunity even though being up on a camel scared me because of the height. I’m proud to say that I did it and it was fun. There was one reason that was the deciding factor for me in taking the plunge to ride a camel. I promised God that I would do anything and everything. I don’t want to miss out on life because of anxiety or OCD. If there’s something that scares me and that’s the only reason to not do it, then I am going to take a deep breath, put my life in God’s hands and take the plunge and ride that camel. I am going to embrace life and all it has to offer.
However, it goes further than that. I’m starting to understand that when I interact with people. I was going about it all wrong. I thought about it as an exchange. I thought about how we could share with each other. What could that person do for me and what could I do for them? What do I need to be on guard about because that person might want to take something from me or hurt me in some way? Always it had to be a transaction where one person gave, and the other person took. The more I learn about God, the more I am seeing that it doesn’t have to be that way.
The other person can be anyone; it really doesn’t matter. What matters is me and what I put out into the world. If I see the light of God in others and connect with that when I interact with the rest of the world. Sure, the world is dangerous and scary, but it is also amazing, beautiful, and surprising. I’ve spent too much time weary of the world and not enough time seeing God in others. I struggle with that one. However, if I can be mindful about so many other things in my life, then I am sure I can work on this one too. When I see one of my brothers or sisters, wouldn’t it be wonder if instead of having paranoid thoughts, I saw how beautiful they could be first? Wouldn’t it be great if instead of being guarded, I could show them a little love?
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
