I had to drive somewhere today. As I waited at a stoplight, I started to think about how anxiety makes me focus on myself. Not just on myself in a selfish way, but the symptoms of anxiety cause painful and uncomfortable physical sensations that make me focus on my body. As I sat there waiting for the light to change, I felt a pain in my chest because my heart beat faster than normal and because I couldn’t breathe easily I felt short of breath. My hands shook because I had so much adrenaline in my system. With all that going on, how could I focus on anything except how bad my body felt?
Then, I started to think about how my body was just a vessel for my spirit and that I was part of something greater than just myself. I belonged to God and my spirit isn’t confined to the space of just a beating heart or the breath of lungs, my spirit is immeasurable. If I concentrate, I can feel the presence of the life all around me. Not only feel it, but connect to it.
It’s ironic, I hate being in large crowds because I feel the energy of so many people and that feeling is too overwhelming for me, but it’s that same energizing feeling that can help me when I have anxiety. Feeling other life force helps me to lose the sense of myself and reach out into the universe and feel the world, the universe, my higher power, my God, and my brothers and sisters in Christ. Surrendering myself to what is beyond my own body will help me get outside of my own head and truly see the world more like God does. And I really think I want to see the world the way God does. I want to see it as a place full of love, beauty, and miracles because when I am inside my own head the trauma fills me with fear and paranoia. I’ve been trying to escape that for years.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
