I hate being outside and it’s because of my OCD. There’s just too much out of place. I will never be able to get all the blades of grass in the lawn to be manicured right. Even if it were possible, all it would take is for a breeze to come by or a short burst of rain and then it would all change again. There’s too many variables. It’s amazing to me, but outside is the definition of being totally out of my control. I’m sort of blessed to have asthma and allergies because I would probably go mad with trying to impose order to chaos if I tried to take up gardening.
I have the same problems with other aspects of my environment. I don’t think I could ever get my house as clean as I would want. There’s no way to ever fold a sheet perfectly. There’s no way to achieve the perfection that I would like to accomplish when I interact with the physical world. I always find imperfections.
And yet, maybe that’s why I have OCD. To know that perfection isn’t the goal. It’s one of the dualities. If I were to know perfection, then how would I know what isn’t perfect? My main goal is to transcend that state of being where dualities exist and where I assign that value in the first place. God accepts me as I am in all my imperfections knowing that His creation is perfect. It’s a paradox that transcends the duality where being imperfect is a perfect creation.
When God presents a metaphysical paradox, then faith is the answer. I just have to accept that He knows what He is doing. He created an imperfect being perfectly. He really can do anything.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.