Today is Thanksgiving Day. This year I find myself reflecting on the difference between what my life was like when I was a child and how it is now. I guess Thanksgiving is one of those days that when I really think about it, I can see it better now than I did back then.
I thought that we were a normal family. We would get together and make a family meal. We would say what we were thankful for and say a prayer for the coming year. We would enjoy our time together. Just like every family, there was always the potential for friction. However, as I look back, I realize that my memory wasn’t a joyful holiday. Instead, I felt nervous. I felt like I was inside of a powder keg that was going to go off and I just didn’t know when the explosion was going to happen. I wanted to try to make myself as small and inconspicuous as possible so that when the eventual explosion did happen it wouldn’t be directed towards me.
Over the last twenty or more years, I have spent Thanksgiving with my husband. Sometimes we have spent it by ourselves and most of the time, we spent it with his family. The distinct difference for me is that I don’t feel scared. It feels like a day to relax and enjoy family. I don’t even care about the food anymore. I just enjoy having a day to be thankful for my family.
I’m not just thankful for my husband and his family; I thankful for my own family as well. I know that’s kind of crazy considering I always felt nervous around them. They all taught me different aspects of love and forgiveness. I know that I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it weren’t for my parents and my brother. I know that somehow in the big picture they are part of God’s plan for me. I don’t understand all of it, but I try to accept it.
I continue every day to have faith in God’s plan. Even though I may not understand it, I thank God for His plan. So, today I thank God for all of my life, all the pain and pleasure, all the joy and the sorrow, all the failures and the triumphs. I thank God for being there and for all the love and grace in my life.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
