Today I spoke to someone about my boss and how he and my husband are so much alike. For the first time, I realized the one personality trait they have in common that I find so appealing. They both have a laid-back attitude, and that type of attitude makes me feel safe.
With my parents everything was a life-or-death type of situation. If I didn’t make good grades in school, then my life was going to be ruined. If I didn’t learn how to have perfect penmanship, then I would never be able to get a good job. There were all these little trials in life and if I didn’t do exactly as I was told, then there was no point to living because I would have ruined it all.
Obviously, it wasn’t the best kind of attitude to take with someone with OCD. I felt like I was on high alert all the time. I worried about everything. I was fearful all the time and my parents didn’t seem to notice or care. When I met my husband, everything changed. Life wasn’t something that could be ruined or messed up. Life was an adventure. Through my husband, I was able to grow in my faith and understand that life isn’t a test by God to see if I am worthy to receive the reward of Heaven at the end. I think back to all the years, I wasted worrying about that and can’t believe that I got sucked into such a fallacy. The worst part is knowing that so many Christians still think that way.
Life is this amazing gift from God. It is something to be cherished. I should thank God every day for my life. I really don’t care anymore about what’s at the end because I’ve come to learn that the important part is the journey. My life right now is the meaning. The love I share with my husband, being able to see God in the world, and embracing every part of this gift I have been given, those are the important parts of my life. If there’s something amazing or not when I die, then I will find out then, but right now, I need to embrace what I have. I need to utilize the faith I was given to seek the meaning of life here and now.
When I look into my husband’s eyes and I see and feel love and know that I have found my soul mate, I know that everything is going to be okay. I know that God’s watching me from Heaven and that He won’t abandon me. I have faith.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
