I heard something today that as soon as I heard it, I knew I had to write about it. I was watching a documentary about drug use. A drug high was describe as being as wonderful as a kiss from Jesus. The comparison doesn’t work for me on so many levels because I am some kind of OCD alien.
I have been given drugs when I go to the ER for my migraine headaches. Sure, they help with the pain, but I don’t like the way they make me feel. My best comparison is the dark hole of depression. When things get bad in my life, it feels like I am being swallowed up by this deep dark hole. I feel like I am falling down deeper and deeper into this dark place, and I don’t know how or if I am ever going to find my way out. Most of the time, my only salvation is to depend on God salvation and have faith that His light will guide me out of the darkness. When I have been given drugs, I feel like I am being swallowed by that same darkness and being pulled into that same horrible deep dark hole. And while my pain is eased, I feel like the drugs are making me not be able to scream and shout as hands are pulling me farther and farther down into this dark hole. My one salvation is hoping that the drugs will eventually wear off. Given my experience with drugs, I’m not enthusiastic about trying any mind-altering drugs. The high sounds like hell to me.
Then, there’s the part about the kiss from Jesus. What would it be like to experience Nirvana when you weren’t ready for it? That’s what I think it would be like to meet Jesus. It would be so totally overwhelming that my body and mind probably wouldn’t be able to handle it. It wouldn’t be a wonderful experience; it would be too much. More than anything I want to commune with God, but when I am ready for it on His time.
There’s a statue of St. Theresa by Bernini called the Ecstasy of Saint Theresa. It looks like an angel has just pierce her heart or is about to pierce her heart with an arrow. Her face looks like she is either in total pleasure or total pain. It is very difficult to tell the difference. However, I think that’s the point. Reaching that height of communion with God or the universe or whatever you want to call it while still in the physical body has to be so overwhelming that it just pushes the body to its limits of pain and pleasure.
I guess if God really wanted me to go there, I would, but I’m not seeking it.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
