Yesterday, I was thinking about my dogs. I have had many of them in my lifetime, but right now along with my Jack Russell, I have two rescue dogs. They couldn’t be more different. Pipe is a rescue Beagle mix. She was abused. When she came to live with my husband and I, we were looking to help a dog in need. She’s been a challenge because she’s had her defenses up and she only wants a relationship with us on her terms. However, she has been a very good dog. She is very well-behaved once she understands what we want from her. When I have written about her, I always say that she is here to teach me how to love.
The other rescue dog is a little Jack Chi mix named Angel. Angel is an alpha dog. She is fearless and self-confident. She is as cute as a button and knows it. She wants to be everyone’s friend. When she came to live with my husband and I, we weren’t even looking for a dog, my husband just fell in love with her, and we brought her into our pack. She shows us how much love is all around because she is so easy to love.
When I was thinking about them yesterday, I started to realize I related to both of them. When I was a little girl, I was always smiling and fearless. It was so long ago, but I would like to believe that I had a self-confidence and wanted to be everyone’s friend. I was someone a little like Angel. Then, something happened. Someone abused me and then more abuse occurred. I got to be really afraid and scared of the world. I started to put up a lot of defenses. Yet, I got through it and I found people who really loved me. I found self-confidence and am getting better. And just like Piper, I know that I am so scarred, I am difficult to love. With OCD, PTSD, and anxiety, sometimes life has to be on my own terms, but I know that somehow I am going to be okay.
I talk about not comparing my life to anyone else’s life because that never ends well. It also isn’t good to compare what could have been with what is. Maybe my life would have been different if I had never been abused, but I wouldn’t been the same person now. I wouldn’t have had the same experiences. I would have never met my husband. I wouldn’t have the life I have today. I love my life and don’t ever want to give it up. It’s a difficult lesson of faith to learn, but I truly believe that I am exactly where I am meant to be. God has a plan for me and has been guiding me all my life. Every time I veer from that path, there’s always been signs to lead me back to where I need to go and when I am on the right path, there’s always been signs to let me know I am on the right path. I know need to understand what that path is. I am just thankful for my life and for my God.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
