Yesterday, I started to feel sick. I am not really sure what’s wrong with me. It feels a little like a migraine, but I am feeling more nauseous than usual. When I sat down to write my post, I start to have another weird symptom that happens sometimes. Everything starts to get really loud. It feels like the volume in my ears gets turned up as high as it can go.
When this high-volume symptom occurs, I have considered going into a quiet room until it goes away. However, that doesn’t work. All the noise, in the room still bothers me. It’s amazing how much noise is all around even in a quiet room. I could hear noises from other rooms in my house, the air conditioner, the ceiling fan, etc. There wasn’t anyway to make things totally quiet. Noise canceling headphones don’t work either. They don’t get rid of all the noise. I can even hear my heart beating and myself breathing. It just drives me crazy.
My solution is music. If something is going to blast into my ears at high volume, then at least I should control what it is. I found some music with a bass beat help me feel better. I don’t know why because some of it really doesn’t appeal to me, but as long as it has that deep bass beat in it, hearing it makes me feel better. When the volume gets turned up somehow, I turn on music to drown out all the other sounds.
When everything sounds so loud, it feels really scary because it feels out of control. When I drown it out with something like music that I am choosing, I feel like I have some control. I guess that’s what this post is all about. Gaining peace in a world that is out of control.
I told my husband that I didn’t want to watch the news anymore at least until the midterm elections were over because my OCD mind kept going over all the worst-case scenarios. I told him about a few of them and he told me that in each of them, it would be bad, but that there’s was nothing that I could do about it and that it really wouldn’t change my everyday life very much. I have to admit he was right. I am spending my time watching news worrying about things I can’t control. And the worst part is I feel helpless because I don’t think about the things I can control. It’s the continued life lesson that God is trying to work through me. I have to stop being this passive person watching the world happen all around me feeling like I can’t and instead start focusing on what I can do. I don’t want to be too hard on myself. For the longest time, my parents, especially my mom, told me that I was too stupid, too naïve, etc and I couldn’t do anything. I am still learning to be brave and courageous. I still need to learn what power I have in my own life.
I know that it starts by recognizing God’s power in my life. To know that He can make miracles happen. If He believes in me, then I can, too. So, I pray for His continued guidance to stop focusing on those things I can’t change or control and have renewed focus on the things that I can change. Dear God, help me to be that person that I know you know I can be.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
