Earlier this week, I read something I had written when I was a teenager. The part that stood out to me the most was that I kept writing about how scared I felt. I wondered how could anyone be so scared all the time when they were a teenager? It just seemed strange. Then, I considered that I was living in this environment where I never knew how anyone was going to act. I was constantly on edge waiting for either my mother and my father to blow up and figuring out how to deal with it. I realize now that my environment did create part of who I am, but jut like the old nature vs. nurture argument, I don’t think that my childhood ruined my life.
I believe that my spirit is stronger than anything in that environment. I may not have been able to escape from the prison for a long time, but I did. I kept trying and I continue to try. I haven’t found fame and fortune, but those aren’t really that important in God’s big picture. If I really think about it, the biggest thing is to find love for God, for myself and for others. I have found a wonderful husband that I love with all my heart, who supports me and helps me to grow in ways that I have never expected. I have come to understand and love God deeper and deeper each day and I want to continue to do so for the rest of my life. I don’t think I could ever love God enough. I have started to understand how to love myself and more importantly, but loving myself, I am coming slow to understand what it truly means to love my brothers and sisters in Christ. It’s this wonderful journey. I have faith that the way it started and however it goes is all in God’s plan. I know there’s rough pathways ahead, but I also know God’s with me all the way.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
