I was thinking about my marriage today. As much as I hurt and feel broken from my childhood, I realized that in some way how I was raised shaped who I am in some good ways. One of the key parts of the Serenity prayer is having the wisdom to know what you can control and what you can’t control.
Because of how I was raised, I had to learn that I wasn’t in control of anything except for myself. I never really had the delusion that I could manipulate other people’s lives. Instead, I learned to be patient, understanding, and adaptable. It took me a long time to learn these lessons. I didn’t understand them at first. I don’t think I started to get it until I was a teenager, and I really didn’t start putting it into practice really well until I was an adult. However, I hope that I have become a forgiving, accepting, and loving person because of it. I know that I still have a lot more growing to do.
In my marriage, I don’t try to make my husband be who I want him to be. I don’t try to get him to do anything I want him to do. I don’t think it should work that way. I try to accept him for who he is. I choose to love him every day exactly as he is. Over the last twenty plus years, he has grown and changed, and I have continued to choose to love him through it all. When I want something from him, I ask, but I don’t demand and I hope, but I don’t expect. I know sometimes he thinks that I get mad at him, but it’s ironic I really don’t. I can’t control his behavior. I can’t make him do anything. He can’t really disappoint me as long as he continues to be the man I choose to love. And I feel blessed because every day I wake up next to a miracle: the man who chooses to be next to me and stay with me. That’s love.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
