I am learning something strange by writing. When I write, every once in a while, I can push my own boundaries and write pieces that it takes some courage to write. What I mean is I can write about subjects and ideas that I think are “safe” and that I think other people won’t find offensive, but sometimes I get an idea and I try to push myself to go beyond those safe boundaries. I write about the type of crazy and imaginative things that come into my head without worrying about what anyone thinks. I feel this amazing sense of freedom when I do that because when I write, I found a world outside of OCD.
When I write, I can do anything and that strange feeling of “wrongness” that I get from OCD doesn’t exist unless I create it in that world. I create worlds where it just doesn’t exist. It’s ironic that I love to write horror because there’s always something a little off in the worlds that I create, but I get to be free of the OCD and I get to be brave and face whatever I want in a world where anything is possible.
Maybe that is another form of God’s Grace. God sees His creation not just the way I see it, but at all times, all places, and all possibilities. He knows all that has been and all that could be at the same time. He transcends.
I don’t understand it. I don’t have this answer yet. But somehow, I get this feeling that somehow our lives and our stories become a bigger picture maybe like a collective unconscious as Carl Jung discussed and that when that happens it somehow transcends the individual, our little problems, our dualities, and our limitations. Maybe somehow that’s the miracle and why with God anything is possible. I just don’t know. I pray for God’s guidance.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
