When I was younger, I used to get so depressed. I would deal with a personal problem. Then just when it seemed like I had life figured out enough to where I could function, something else would happen and life would deal me another blow. I would feel like my feet were swept out from under me and I be on my knees not knowing how I was going to cope with my next crisis. I kept wondering if God would ever give me a break. I just wanted to have a little time when I could feel like I was walking on steady ground.
As I grew older, I started to realize that there’s no such thing as steady ground. At least, there isn’t for me. I have OCD. My life is always going to be interesting to say the least. I have found that I have more peace now that I have accepted that about my life.
Yet, there’s been an unexpected development in my life. Along with these moments of falling down on my knees needing God’s guidance to just get through the day, I keep finding myself having these beautiful moments of Grace. I feel like a keep getting a glimpse of self-actualization and love of Christ. When these moments come, my heart is filled with such joy and love, but the craziest part is that I don’t feel loved instead I feel love for others. I start to understand how God feels about me and it fills me with this amazing outward emotion of love, peace, and understanding for my brothers and sisters in Christ. And every time, I think I understand it, I just wait a while and I have another moment and the feeling comes again and my understanding grows stronger. It’s ironic that when I was young, I used to get depressed because I thought that my low moments wouldn’t stop and now that I am older, I am amazed because that high moments just keep coming even though I don’t expect them.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
