I am going through a difficult time with my family. My main problem all comes down to the Serenity prayer. I don’t know what I can control what I can’t control, and I don’t have the wisdom to tell the difference. I feel myself flailing my arms and legs around in the water desperately trying to tread water instead of just floating.
I’ve written about this situation several times, but this situation is great for the real-world implications. The stress is literally making me sick. I am starting to get bad sinus headaches and migraine headaches. My IBS is acting up and I am getting severe stomach cramps followed by periods of constipation. My gums are inflamed. They are bleeding and hurt when I brush my teeth. (Just by coincidence, it is time for me to go in for my six-month dental cleaning. God must be up in Heaven laughing at that one.) My other chronic conditions are all causing inflammation in various parts of my body. I feel exhausted. Then last night as I was bending over, the muscled in my lower back started to seize up. My entire body is crying out to me because I am fight life so hard and it isn’t working.
There’s one saving grace. I know that I’ll be okay. Even if I have a nervous breakdown and get totally lost in the darkness, God won’t abandon me. His light is there to guide me and I have faith in that.
The point is that no matter how well life is going, how much I learn, how much I think I have it figured out, there’s always going to be something that comes along that pulls the rug out from underneath my feet. There’s going to be situations that trigger me. I going to get lost in darkness sometimes. Evil will find its way into my life no matter what I do. Life will find a way to bring me to my knees every once in a while. Life happens.
When it does, I have a choice to make. I can let it overwhelm me and sink and I can let it knock me down so hard that I don’t ever get up again. But I’m not going to choose that. My other choice is to God. I can give my life over to Him. I can reach my arms out to Him and let Him help me up. I can find a way to keep going no matter how many times life knocks me down. I can know love and peace in my heart not because it is given to me, but because I choose to have it there. I can choose faith.
The next few days or weeks or even months are going to be awful. I am going to be struggling most of the time. Hopefully, I will figure out how to float. I will find the wisdom of what I can control and what I can’t. Whatever happens, God will be with me.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
