Today I had an awful day. I was exposed to all my anxiety triggers. I found some of the most horrible aspects about myself and some of the most beautiful aspects of other people. I had to take my mother to the hospital today. It wasn’t just a hospital. It was my trigger hospital. The one that I had a horrible panic attack and couldn’t even last fifteen minutes at. From the very beginning, everything about the experience went wrong. I got stuck in the parking lot. I broke my nail to where my finger was almost bleeding. I had everything that could go wrong go wrong. However, even with that, the hospital workers showed my abusive demented mother kindness and patience. I couldn’t help but give each of them my heartfelt gratitude as I saw each of them care for my mother in a way that I wasn’t able to do because I wasn’t trained to for it.
I have read about the power of intention. Today was a perfect example of it for me. These people had such positive intentions and even when things didn’t go their way, they were able to keep going and find a positive outcome. I, on the other hand, felt my world falling apart and when I went into the situation that way, my world fell apart. It just the way the universe works. I wish that I could have done better, but maybe days like today happen so that I can understand better how it all works. I pray for God to give me the strength to do better next time.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
