I know I shouldn’t compare my life to others, but I saw something yesterday that was amazing to me. I saw a little girl about ten or eleven years old. She was at a polo match in the audience, and she wanted to get passed some adults. She walked up right to them without hesitation. She said, “Excuse me!” with confidence and strode passed. She exhibited an air of entitlement that seemed as if she grew up with affluence. Maybe her parents gave her everything she every wanted. I really didn’t know. A spoiled rich child wouldn’t amaze me anyway. The child’s confidence and fearlessness amazed me. She showed no hesitation in her actions or words as she spoke them.
At eleven, if someone told me to do the same, I would show fear. As I spoke the words, my voice would have been a whisper. I struggled for years to gain a semblance of confidence and I still find it difficult even today to find my voice when speaking to others. If I had a dime for every time someone asked me to speak up, I would be a rich woman.
When I see someone like that little girl, I feel a sense of amazement because I realize that when I feel that fear and hesitation, my life doesn’t have to be that way. I realize that I go through life feeling and thinking these strange internal OCD thoughts that most people don’t. I realize that my life can be one where I can live in the moment and move without feeling like a deer in the headlights. I can feel confident and have a voice without feeling like a wilting flower with my voice shrinking with every syllable spoken. Seeing what’s possible makes me realize that I am capable of miracles. I didn’t see an entitled spoiled child; I saw all the possibilities that are still available in my own life. I saw hope.
I have almost a day to look back on it the incident. I almost can’t believe it, but now that my reflection helps me to realize something incredible. When I saw that girl, for a second I saw someone spoiled. Then, I saw someone very much the opposite of me when I was a child. Yet when I talked to my husband about it, I saw hope. I saw the light of God in someone else. Having humility might mean that when I see someone else, I see the good inside them. I see how they can show me that the world and I can be better no matter who they are. I don’t know if that is right. I am still working at it, but I think I am on the right track. I pray for God to continue to guide me.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
