I was watching this show about true crime. I found that I just couldn’t relate to it. When the criminals got money, they went out and partied going to clubs and drinking. They would buy expensive jewelry, clothes, and other items. When the money ran out, they always wanted more. I never liked the idea of partying. I never wanted anything expensive, and I definitely felt like there was a limit to what I need and wanted. I don’t know why.
Then, I thought about how we all have our own cross to bear. When I go on an airplane, I don’t worry about being up high because I am too worried about being claustrophobic. I am just a little off from most people. There are temptations everywhere and we all have to face them. I just face different temptations than other people.
Recently, I’ve been learning about humility and not comparing my life to anyone else’s life. I don’t want to compare my temptation to someone else. My biggest temptation is pride. I feel like I know how the world should be, but I really don’t. All I know is how I want the world to be and even then, it’s only an illusion. The scariest thing for me to face is that God’s plan for me and the rest of the world is something unknowable and I just need to have faith in it. I just need to keep following His commandments even when it seems like the world is falling into total turmoil. These days whenever I turn on the TV news that exactly how it feels.
The other part of that temptation is to judge others for their sins and mistakes. To think that they are stupid or ignorant for the way they live their lives. When I do that, I am being prideful and not showing humility. I am not showing understanding. Their temptation is different from mine. Their life is different from mine. I have to be humble before that. It will be something I struggle with all my life.
I feel all the time that it is a burden that when everyone goes left, I go right. I feel like I am an alien because I don’t fit in. However, tonight, I think maybe it’s a gift to help me see that true patience and understanding means having humility. I can’t judge my brothers and sisters in Christ. Their cross to bear is different from mine. Their sin is different from mine. Their path is different from mine.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
