I was watching a TV show. Someone was being interviewed about a crime that they had committed. That person was telling their side of the story. That person’s story was completely different than what had been reported in the news media and in the courts. Discerning the truth was very difficult and there’s no real way to be able to tell. However, there was something that stood out to me about the interview. The interviewer asked about serving time for the crime and the punishment. The person’s answer was to ask for anyone watching to consider the worst thing that they had done and ask if they had been punished enough for what they had done.
I took a few hours to absorb the interview that I had heard. I can’t be certain of anything, but my gut tells me that the reason the person’s story was completely different than all the other accounts was because it was a lie. That person wanted to avoid responsibility for their actions and lying was the easiest way to do it. I felt this way because of the way the person did not show any humility in dealing with the responsibility for their crime. Instead of accepting it and dealing with it, the person deflected their own crime and compared it to the worst thing everyone watching had done.
I’m not giving any specifics about the story because it isn’t my story. Here’s my story: the worst thing I have ever done was hurt myself physically. I did it several times in many ways. I not only hurt my body with these actions, I hurt myself mentally and emotionally. Yet, the very worst part was that I also hurt the people who loved me because I didn’t show respect for myself nor did I show any respect for the love that they had for me.
For the rest of my life, I am going to have to live with the knowledge and the scars. I somehow am going to find a way to love myself and forgive myself for what I did. I also hope that by showing more respect for myself and my body that those who love me now can find some way to forgive me. I don’t care what anyone else has done in their life; it doesn’t matter. For when I stand before God in His judgement, what I have done in my life will be what matters. I am truly sorry for all the times I have sinned and have failed God. I know that it is going to keep happening in my life, but the important thing is I am going to keep trying to be the best person I can be. I have faith that God will accept that.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
