I’ve been having trouble with some relationships. I have been trying to deal with the difficulties by responding with love, kindness, and patience. Today, something dawned on me that I didn’t see before, I realized that in one of my relationships, the person may not be treating me differently because of any ill-will toward me, instead it could just be outside forces.
It has happened in my life before, I had a roommate literally attack me personally just because she wanted to justify breaking the lease agreement so she could go live with her boyfriend. Even when it was happening, I knew the attack really wasn’t about me, but it hurt anyway. I think she was afraid to face the consequences of what she was doing, so she used me.
I looked back today at my life at all the times people had really hurt me and I realized that with some very traumatic exceptions, most of the time when someone has hurt me, they didn’t realize they were doing it or if they did, they weren’t really trying to hurt me; they were just acting out of fear.
I have to ask myself do I really want to be that person who perpetuates cycles of fear in the world? Can I find enough love in my heart to recognize the light in someone else even when they treat me badly? My best answer is that I suffer from anxiety, and I know that when a person faces fear that’s when they need love, patience, and understanding the most.
If God commands that I love others as I would love myself, then surely I can treat anyone suffering from fear with same understanding and love that I give to myself when I have a panic attack. Maybe, just maybe there’s a reason why I suffer from anxiety.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
