It feels like in the blink of an eye, my world has come crashing down around me. I am unhappy with work, my writing is stalling, I am opening up old and new wounds with my family, and my IBS is flaring up. The only good things are my relationship with my God and my husband.
I sat with my husband tonight and we talked about it. I don’t think God punishes any of us, but I think He offers guidance. When I walk on the right path, I find all these little signs that let me know I am in the exact place that I am meant to be. When I find those signs, I am filled with peace and a sense of being connected to God. When I start to veer off my path, my world comes crashing down. When a car starts to stray out of its lane, it seems to happen so fast. However, when I think about it, there are so many signs that happen way before it happens. If I watch carefully, I can see it coming. It is the same way with what is happening in my own life. I feel like it is sudden like the blink of an eye, but this change in my life has been building for some time. I just didn’t want to see it because I don’t like change.
I did something that I can’t believe I did. I tried to be healthy and follow what God has shown me these last few years. The first thing was to think about my situation and think about all the things that I can’t control. Then, I needed to just let them go. The second thing I did was to think about all the things I could do and made a plan to positive action. Finally, I thought about all the things that were making me afraid and angry. I realized that if I held on to that fear and anger, it was just going to pull me down and lead me off my path. I found a way to let it go by realizing that my anger is unjustified, and my fear is unwarranted. I was angry that someone didn’t care about my feelings. I was unjustified to be angry because I can’t control what someone else feels. It really doesn’t matter what anyone thinks or feels about my feelings. God would say that I should care more about others than I should care about myself. I was afraid of changing my life because of the unknown. That fear is unwarranted because I have God to be at my side. I have learned to embrace life, take risks, be bold, and have courage. This is my time to try to do that. It’s like God trying to push a baby bird out of the nest. It a scary, but I need it so I can learn to fly.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
