I found out today that some things might be changing at work today. It has me in an OCD tailspin. I am feeling like my mind is in a whirlwind and I can’t concentrate because all I can think about is how I don’t want things to change. I know intellectually that I don’t want things to change because every time things change it makes my OCD feeling of wrongness feel stronger. I hate feeling that way and I want to do anything to avoid it.
Emotionally, I am having a fear reaction and the fear is turning into anger. It’s strange because I have been writing about not going against human nature. I know that I don’t want to be a person who acts out of fear and anger and yet it is so difficult for me to not let the OCD thoughts overwhelm me at this moment. I wish that I could be a like a saint and rise above, but instead the truth is that I am human, and I really don’t know what to do.
That’s what human nature is for me: being lost and confused. Not being able to find the right path. It’s at these times in my life that I find myself on my knees, handing my life over to God and asking for His guidance. God doesn’t expect perfection from His children. He just expects us to take the time to ask for help and to show Him that we love Him. I believe that I am flawed, but I also believe that it is in my nature to love. I just need help and guidance sometimes. Thank God for being there with me as I walk along my life path.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
