I was thinking today about how my mother told me how my grandmother didn’t like to give physical affection a lot. Neither did my father. In some strange twist of fate, I go through periods of time when I don’t either. It is strange because for some reason, my mother seems to crave physical affection. Sometimes when I was a child, I really did feel like I was being smothered not just emotionally, but literally. She just loved to hug and give tons of love.
It isn’t that it’s a bad thing. I don’t really know what my grandmother or father were dealing with, but I know with me, I just feel like there’s too much stimulation sometimes. I am just really sensitive to all the energy around me and all the senses around me. When there’s too much, I get to where I just don’t want to deal with certain senses. Sometimes, I like to put on headphones and listen to music so that I can drown out all the rest of the sound. Other times I just don’t want to be touched. There’s been times that I just wish I could go a sit in a cave in the middle of nowhere and its because I just feel like the world is too much.
I had a difficult time understanding it when I was younger, but thankfully I am starting to understand and accept it better now. My husband is understanding. And best of all I know that when the world feels like it is just a little too much, God is always there to help me endure.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
