I had a horrible night. In the evening a got an email from my boss asking me to check out something. Since it was Sunday night, I really shouldn’t have acted on the email until Monday morning. I tried not to think about it. However, with my OCD mind, it was almost impossible. I tried watching TV, eating, and all kinds of other distractions, but nothing helped. My mind kept going back to the email.
When it was time to go to sleep, I tried my best to relax. I fell asleep, but even with sleep, I didn’t find peace. My dreams were filled with thoughts and symbols all about the email. When I got up today, I had to go as soon as I could to my computer and try my best to answer the email. It was only until then that I was able to have my obsession satisfied a little bit. The sad part is that even now, my mind is still focused on the email. It is very possible that I won’t be able to forget it for days.
The truth about OCD is that I can’t force myself out of it. There’s no reason or logic to it. The more I try to not think about it the worse it will be. The best I can do is just let it be and give the situation to God. I can live with the thought rattling around in my head and I can enjoy the rest of my life. Believing that and having faith in that is how I get through this day. It how I got through last night. Knowing I won’t have to do it alone is what gives me hope.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
