I’ve been thinking about art, specifically the art of writing. For me, it isn’t just enough to write; I feel a deep need inside to understand. I guess it comes out of my feeling like my art isn’t about getting attention for myself; it’s about spreading a message. It takes a huge leap of faith because I really don’t know what the message is exactly. I just know that I should write.
It fits with the idea that God has a plan for me, even if I don’t ever know what the plan is. This weekend I hope to share one of my stories with a writing group. It’s the first story that I know what I was doing even if I didn’t know it when I was writing.
Less than two years ago, there was a snowstorm in Texas and almost the whole state was without power. It was a really difficult time and at my house we were without power for almost a week. During that time, I learned that without a doubt I am a writer. It wasn’t because I got published or shared my writing. I knew I was a writer because when the power was out and everything was wrong, I got out a pen and paper and I wrote because it was what I do and who I am. The way the world sees me doesn’t define who I am. I make my own reality and it is my own actions that define who I am.
Also, during that time, I recognized that in the daylight I could do lots of things to keep busy, but at night, without power, I felt helpless in the dark. All I could really do with sit in front of the fireplace, bundle up, and try to stay warm until the morning. I wrote a short story during that time, and it was all about expressing that feeling of helplessness in the dark.
I think many people felt that same way during the snowstorm and I guess I hope that somehow when someone reads that story, they recognize that feeling somehow. It occurs to me that one of the best lessons that I have learned in my own lifetime is that I am not alone. God is always with me. Yet I know that OCD, anxiety, and other trials often make it seems like I have been alone, and it takes faith and belief to know that I am not alone. I guess when I write, I hope that it expresses a human experience. When and if anyone else ever read my writing, my greatest wish is that they recognize that human experience and realize that they aren’t alone.
For over five years, I have been writing this blog. It is a wonderful gift for me, but I often wonder why I should put it in blog form for others to read, especially if I never know if anyone will ever read it. I guess the best answer is as long as I have it out there, maybe one person will read it and know that none of us are alone. We all walk unique paths, but we walk them together on this earth. There’s help out there, if you ask for it. There’s love out there, if you open your heart to it. There’s faith out there, if you want to believe.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
