I have written several times about how fear can lead us astray and I found that happen to me yesterday without it even being my intention. I want to write about it. I have become involved in a writing group that I am really enjoying. At the end of the group, we were talking and one of the members shared something that was clearly difficult. It fit with my post yesterday, so I decided to share with her what I had written. I told her about this blog, but lately when I share this blog, I have been afraid to share the true purpose. I share that the blog is about how my faith helps me with my day-to-day life. There were other people in the group who weren’t religious and felt left out and it wasn’t my intention. I can’t help feeling that it’s my fear of sharing my OCD that is holding me back.
I have learned to accept myself, but I do have to admit that it is difficult to admit it to the world. Some people just don’t understand what OCD is all about. Some people have lots of preconceived notions about mental illness. Others see me and just don’t think I have OCD. It takes courage to stand up and say, “I have OCD.” I know that when I do, I putting something out into the world and I have absolutely no control over how anyone is going to respond to me.
The ironic part is that when I write, I am doing the same thing. I am taking my art and putting it out into the world, and once it is out in the world, I don’t have control anymore. It is a scary and exciting thought.
The lesson I learned yesterday though is that fear can be lurking in the most unusual places and even when I don’t realize it, it can cause harm. I am finding that I need to be true to myself and not let fear get in the way. My blog isn’t just about my faith in God as easy as that would be to say. My blog is about having OCD and how my faith in God helps me live with OCD. I am going to try to have faith enough to put that out into the world and take courage knowing that God is with me.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
