Yesterday, I saw an ad for a movie on TV and I looked it up on the Internet to see what the movie was about. It looked interesting, but not enough for me to want to go see the movie in a theater. I started to wonder about going to the movies. My husband and I bonded over going to the movies and we still love movies, but it has been a very long times since we have gone to the movies because of the pandemic.
I started to think about going to the movies. I realized that going to the movies along with many of activities were activities that caused me anxiety, but I really wasn’t paying too much attention to it until the pandemic hit. I was aware that going to the movies made me anxious. I did what I could about it, but I didn’t really acknowledge it or really notice that it made me very nervous.
All my life, I tend to see the world differently that other people do. I know this pandemic has made people look at life differently. I am sure for those who have lost loved ones, the world is never going to be the same. However, I get the feeling for those who didn’t lose a loved one, they want this event to be over with and for life to get back to normal or at least as normal as it can be. For me, that can’t happen. This pandemic forced me to really look at my life and it made me really see how truly agoraphobic I am. I have OCD and anxiety, but I am also high-functioning. I have taught myself how to survive. I accept my disorders and I have learned how to live with them. The thing is that this pandemic has made me be more honest with myself about my anxiety. The world isn’t ever going to be the same for me. I never understood how scary I thought the world was, but now that I have with God’s help, I can do something about it. I don’t think God intended for me to see the world as a horrible scary place to hide away from. Sure there’s evil and pain out there, but there’s also a lot of wonderful amazing miracles, too. I don’t want to see the world through the eyes of trauma, I want to try my best to see the world the way God sees it.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
