I am having a pressure headache. It makes everything more difficult because I feel this pressure on my head and it puts me in a bad mood but doesn’t feel painful in a conventional way. Instead, it’s more like a constant uncomfortable feeling that just keeps growing and growing.
Today, I got to the point where I felt like I couldn’t work anymore. I tried to take my rescue meds and rest, but I don’t think it really worked well. The way it feels is a lot like depression or falling apart. It’s like falling into quicksand. I feel like I am just barely sinking down and it is such a slow sinking that I don’t even notice it until I am so far deep down that I can’t pull myself out. Just like they say, if you squirm and try to fight it, you’ll only sink deeper and make things worse. I try to stay calm. I try to let it happen and believe it is going to be okay. I hope that the weather will change or that something will break, but the longer it goes, the more I feel like I am sinking. There’s so much I want to do. I feel like there’s so much writing, reading, and organizing I could be doing, but I am just so tired, and my head feels like it weighs so much. My path feels so steep right now. It makes me think about that time that my husband and I climb Enchanted Rock and I had to keep stopping to take breaks because of my asthma.
I knew that I could make it to the top. I just had to take it one step at a time. I didn’t need to worry about what anyone else was doing. I just needed to believe in myself and do it in my own time. I guess right now I am having a difficult time because I want so much to get to the next steps of my writing career. It feels like they are so close, but my head’s going to get in the way. I have to believe that I can do this, and no head pressure is going to make a difference. It can happen in my own time; it can happen in God’s time. I hope. I believe. I pray.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
