I used to have this recurring dream all the time. I found myself walking all the express ways of my city. It was always nighttime. There weren’t many cars on the road. I just was walking along the side of the road. I had the feeling that I wasn’t walking because I didn’t have transportation; I was walking because I wanted to walk. I wasn’t afraid that the cars were going to hit me. I wasn’t afraid that someone was going to hurt me. I wasn’t afraid that it was nighttime. In fact, I wasn’t afraid of anything. I just wanted to walk. It felt like I was walking for hours through different parts of the city and it felt so good to walk. It almost felt like there wasn’t anyone else around except for me and I was okay being alone.
I never knew what those dreams were about or why I was having them. Then, today I remembered that I used to have these weird dreams all the time. These dreams were about being free. Before I got married, I was living in a house that had bars on the windows and doors. I had to have at three keys to get in or out of the house. My parents had to know where I was twenty-four hours a day. Often they disapproved of my leaving the house for any reason except for school or work. I was in a virtual prison. When I went to sleep at night, even if I didn’t realize it, my unconscious mind dreamt about being free of that prison. I would dream of being alone at night just walking and not being oppressed by fear.
In a very real way, it is what I have found in God. My life isn’t easy and things aren’t always great. When I deal with OCD, anxiety, and migraines, I do get lost in darkness, but as I walk I am not walking in fear because I never walk alone. God is always by my side. I may suffer from anxiety, but I am not ever afraid.
