Yesterday I wrote about having a bad reaction to a COVID vaccine booster. Then today, I read this article online about common symptoms of long COVID. It really surprised me because it ticked off so many of the boxes that I deal with: fatigue that can interfere with daily function, body temperature control, breathing problems, chest pain, rapid heartbeat, brain fog, headache, sleep problems, dizziness, anxiety, stomach problems, and joint and muscle pain.
At first, I was angry because someone had started to listen to these people, when no one ever really listened to me, but then the first thought in my head was that I can’t compare my life to anyone else’s life. Then, my heart started to be filled with compassion for these people. I got these symptoms over a period of years as my nervous system became overloaded. I never felt like everything was just dumped on me all at once. It was something gradual that happened over time. For these people, that wasn’t the case. They got COVID and then in the months after when they were trying to recover, it was like all of this just hit them all at once.
As I sit to write this post, I think about seeing one doctor after another. No one wants to believe me that all these physical symptoms are brought on by a nervous condition. They don’t understand why I don’t want to waste my time and money on tons of expensive and invasive tests that aren’t going to show anything wrong. They don’t understand that going to physical therapy doesn’t change nerve pain. I am the ultimate bad patient because I believe that I am an expert on my own body even though I am not an expert in medicine. I understand the frustration that these people must feel. They have these symptoms, and they go to doctors seeking help. Yet I am certain that just like me, on more than one occasion, they are told that nothing is wrong with them. They are told that the doctors can’t find a reason for the symptoms and that they should just try to live with it. I can imagine these people leaving doctor’s offices in tears feeling defeated because they are suffering, and it feels like no one is listening to them.
The whole thing makes me feel like I should use this experience to open my heart and learn to be more compassionate with others.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
