Just a few hours ago, I found out someone important to me passed away. She was someone that has been a part of my life for over twenty years. It is a coincidence that she would pass away only a few days before Mother’s day because for me, every time I think of her that’s the first image that comes to mind. She was for me the image of motherhood.
It really hurts to know that I won’t ever get to see her smile or hear her voice again. I realize that is part of the deal. In life, when I get to experience the pleasure of another person, when they die, if I really loved them, then it is going to hurt. If I didn’t love them, it wouldn’t hurt. I take solace in knowing that the love and caring I had for her is part of the pain I am feeling now.
I have also been reading about religion and philosophy lately. It would be great if all of it would make this feel better, but I’m not sure if it does. I can try my best to understand God and the world, but at times like this it feels like all the understanding in the world doesn’t really matter. The only thing I feel like I can hold on to is my faith. I think about when my own father died. I don’t know any of the answers. I just know that his love lives on in my heart somehow and that he must be with God somehow. I don’t need to know how it happens or God’s plan for him. I just believe it. As for my friend, her light won’t die out any time soon. Her love lives in my heart and the hearts of all the people she loved, especially her children and her grandchildren. I don’t know how it happens, but she is with God somehow.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
