I heard a statistic on the news the other day. It was about retirement. It was something like over 50% of people don’t think they have enough money to retire. It made me realize that I am very blessed and should be so very grateful for me life.
I don’t know if it is part of my OCD or if everyone is like this, but I tend to think that everyone is at the same level as I am or better. What I mean by that is that if I have a college degree, I think everyone else does. If I live in a house, then I think everyone else has the means to live in a house. The reason I think my OCD factors into this thinking is that it isn’t that I don’t realize that people have worse circumstances, but that I see myself as being the worst that there could be. I am starting to get a better view of myself, but I still don’t see myself as fitting in anywhere. I don’t see myself as better off than anyone else. I hate the class system in our society. My OCD has always made me feel alien. I just don’t feel like I fit anywhere. When I don’t feel my own place in society, it is very difficult to see all the blessing I have sometimes.
However, it also occurs to me that this way of thinking is about comparing my life to someone else and that never is a good idea. There might be people who have it better than me and there might be people who have it worse, but I shouldn’t compare. I need to live my life and be grateful for the experience. And maybe that’s something I really needed to know today. I have been thinking a lot about other writers and all the competition in the writing world. I have been thinking about how my writing will compare to everyone else and feeling self-doubt. At this very moment, I realize that it really doesn’t matter. I only need to write for God and for myself, whatever happens after that will be what it is. I only need to be grateful for the experience of the journey and so joyful that God is with me as I walk that path.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
