There was a night when I was about twenty years old. My father got angry at me and wouldn’t stop yelling at me. He had been drinking and his yelling at me was over the top. He followed me from room to room, yelling. The only thing that stopped him was when my mom got in the way and told him to leave me alone.
After that night, I never looked at anyone in my family the same again. It is amazing to me how I could know someone my entire life and yet not really see them all of who they are. The reason I bring it up is because it recently happened to me again. I thought I knew someone and something happened and now I see that person in a completely different light.
When it happens, it makes me feel like I am standing on unsteady ground and it makes me wonder if I really know anything at all. But there are two things that help me feel grounded. The first is my own experience with my family. That night changed everything, except for one thing: I didn’t stop loving them. Just because I see someone in a different light doesn’t mean that I can’t still appreciate and love that person. The second thing is my relationship with God: it is constantly changing, but the thing is God doesn’t change, I do. So, when I see someone in a different light, I have to realize that that person didn’t really change; I did. So, it is up to me to choose to accept that person the way that they are or not, but to realize that what changed was me, not them.
So, going back to that night when I never looked at anyone in my family the same again. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family and I knew it, but I wanted to believe it wasn’t that bad. On that night, I finally opened my eyes and accepted the fact that my dad was a real alcoholic and verbally abusive. It was the beginning of my transformation. My family didn’t change that night, but I did.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.