I feel like I live in a strange paradox. On one side I know that I live in a community and that I should want to be a part of that. I know that God wants me to love my brothers and sisters. I know that it is important to know that I am not alone. Yet at the same time, I feel alone as I walk my path. I know that my path is unique to me and that no one will ever walk the same life path that I walk. The real paradox comes in that no matter what I do, I always feel alien to everyone else. And just like God’s plan for me, I’m never going to know where that feeling originates. Maybe I feel alien because I have OCD. Maybe I feel alien because there’s something truly different about me. Maybe I feel alien because it is just a personality quirk. I’ll never know.
I just know I am going to struggle with it for the rest of my life. This paradox of feeling separate from others and yet at the same time needing community. As I think about it tonight what really strikes me isn’t that my life has paradoxes, but that that’s so much I don’t know about the whys of life. Yet, I am okay because faith tells me I don’t need to know all the answers; I just need to know God.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
