I have had a difficult week. I am worried about paying taxes this week and my OCD is running rampant. I should know that everything is going to be okay, but instead I can’t. I haven’t been able to sleep and when I do sleep, I have nightmares about paying taxes. The worst part is that my mind is coming up with every worst-case possible scenario there is. I am having panic attacks and feeling horrible. It feels like I am the only person in the world who feels this way and that no one else understands or cares that I am going through this situation.
In other words, it is exactly, what every single OCD paranoid obsessive thought feels like. Yet knowing that still doesn’t really help. The thing about OCD is that I can’t reason my way out of it. I can’t magically make this go away. I can’t avoid it. My only real option is to trudge through it. I know it isn’t going to feel good and it is going to be rough, but that’s my life. It is who I am and the way my mind works. I can do things to help ease the anxiety, but it is what it is. The good part is my faith tells me that no matter how bad it gets, I will be alright because I am never alone and there’s always someone with me who cares how I feel. I just have to believe it despite everything that my OCD mind tells me.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
