There are many stories, mythologies and folklore about hell. My favorite ones come from Greek mythology, specifically the idea of Sisyphus. In hell, he constantly is pushing a boulder up a hill. Once he gets it up the hill, it rolls back down the hill, and he must start over again. He is in a constant unending loop, doing the same thing over and over again until the end of time.
This idea is scary, except when I started to realize that my life isn’t about the beginning or the end it is about what happens in the middle. My life isn’t about the birth or death, but about the life that happens in between my birth and my death. That life is what gives me meaning. That life is my miracle.
Then, this week everything for me fell apart and it seemed to fall apart because the stories we tell often have some basis in reality. The legend of Sisyphus isn’t just something someone made up thousands of years ago. Whether or not, we like to admit it, human beings create their own hell on earth sometimes. They experience pain and when they don’t know how to process it, they repeat it over and over again trying to get it right.
It comes in all kinds of weird situations and circumstances. A man who never dealt with his mother issues might marry a woman exactly like his mother trying to relive the same relationship. A woman who was in an abusive relationship might choose another abusive man as a mate hoping that she can make the relationship work. A person in pain may turn to drugs or alcohol repeating a cycle over and over again hoping for a different outcome. I realized yesterday that with my PTSD, I relive the same trauma over and over again. My mind, body, and spirit feel all the things that I felt that day and it hurts me. We can create our own hell on earth.
Yet, I believe the Lord is my salvation and my light. If there’s a way to get better, I will find it. He will guide me. That’s what my faith is all about.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
