Shame and Guilt

I recently saw a celebrity on TV who seemed to gain a lot of weight.  I can’t judge her life circumstances and I don’t feel shame for her about her weight.  However, I mentioned concern to my husband about it.  I used to be quite overweight and when I was, I wasn’t ashamed about it.  I wasn’t aware of anyone looking at me differently or treating me differently because I was overweight.  I just didn’t pay attention if it did happen; I think it has something to do with my OCD and feeling out of step with everyone else.  However, I did feel the physical effects of being overweight.  It didn’t feel good.  I have enough problems dealing with headaches and chronic pain from PTSD.  When I was overweight, I felt even worse.  Now when I see someone who is obese, I don’t see someone who can’t control their eating or who lacks character or has some other flaw.  I see someone and I remember the physical pain that I felt when I was overweight.  I imagine that person feeling the same pain that I felt. 

I understand the idea that people shouldn’t be shamed about their weight, and I hope that my concern doesn’t do that.  It is just that sometimes I wonder if this entire anti-shaming movement has gone to an extreme.  After all, what’s next?  Adam and Eve put on fig leaves because they felt shame, are we all going to become nudists?  Isn’t there room for me to have shame in my life?  After all, I’m not perfect.  Yes, God created me perfectly and there’s nothing wrong with me in essence, but once I am here on planet earth, I sin, I sometimes eat too much, I say the wrong things, I commit evil acts, and I make mistakes.  And I have every reason to feel shame and guilt when I do those things because I am human, and I know the difference between right and wrong.  That’s what makes me such a miracle.  Because I can feel bad about it. Because I do know the difference between right and wrong.   That’s what makes me a child of God.  It’s also the thing that gives me the chance to choose God and to choose love.  So, I want more than anything to be able to feel shame and guilt because they are a precious miracle that makes me a special being in the world.  They make me a beautiful, unique, and loved child of God.  I wouldn’t want to be anything else.

My faith saved me.  May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.