I have been married for over twenty-one years now. When we were getting pre-martial counseling, I remember being very honest and saying that I knew we were going to have very difficult times when I was going to question my choice in my husband and in my getting married. I wasn’t wrong about that, but there hasn’t been a single second that I have ever thought about giving up. It doesn’t even seem like a choice to me anymore. I just know that every day I choose to love my husband and it is what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I have been working on a writing project for a long time and today my mentor told me that he was impressed that I haven’t given up and abandoned the project. It’s strange, but although it has been a struggle, I feel the almost the same way. This project is something I was meant to do. I haven’t thought about giving up. Even if no one ever reads it, I choose to see it through and make it the best I can because it is who I am.
I sometimes wish I had learned this lesson back when I was in my twenties and didn’t really want to live. It wasn’t that I had no respect for life. I just was in pain, and I didn’t want to hurt so much all the time. I felt like I was disappointment to everyone, and I didn’t have any sense of myself. If I had known even just a little of who I was, maybe I would have known that I could never be a disappointment because I am a perfect child of God. Maybe I would have known that pain is a part of life and God will give me the strength I need to endure anything that I need to live. Most importantly, maybe I would have known I can choose to make my life anything I want to it be as long as I have faith.
I choose to go on every day now in my marriage, in my work, in my faith, and in my life. I never give a second thought to giving up. There’s no reason. If I am in pain, if I get tired, even if I stumble, I know God will be there to carry me.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
