I have noticed in the last week that I am going through a depressive episode. I feel like I want to eat more than usual. For the first time in a long time, I feel guilty when I eat, and I feel like I am depriving myself when I don’t eat. In both instances, I realize that it has very little to do with hunger and more to do with my mood. I also find myself feel sad and unmotivated. I think part of it has to do with the weather. There have been so many storm systems moving across the country. It feels like I haven’t seen the sun in days. I also feel like my head has been through so much. The barometric pressure keeps going up and down. It is like a never-ending roller coaster ride from hell. If the weather would just stabilize for a little while it would be such a happy relief.
Everyone has difficult times like this. Sometimes they last for just a little while and sometimes they last for years. There’s darkness in our world and sometimes it creeps into our lives and our minds. It isn’t difficult to find the darkness. For me, all I have to do is turn on a TV or internet browser and it is right there. I used to think it was much more difficult to find the light, but it really isn’t.
The light of God lives within me. It is a part of me and because of that God is always with me. When I find myself going into a scary dark time like this, I can picture myself falling into a deep dark hole and not being able to see the bottom. When I finally get there, it is so dark, I don’t know how to find my way out into the light again. Yet, because of my faith, I know that I will. The light of God is within me and when I am lost in the darkness His light shines bright and strong leading me along my path.
I was just remembering that one of the reasons against suicide is that I shouldn’t be so prideful as to think I know better than God when I should live and when I should die. Yet, there’s an even better reason when I consider that I have the light of God inside of me. It’s a mortal sin to kill yourself, but it is a completely different level of sin to extinguish the light of God. I guess that why killing yourself or killing someone else is such a horrible act. It isn’t just about pride, fear, or anger; it is about not being able to see God. That’s what happened when they crucified Jesus. It doesn’t matter if you are Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or another other religion. They failed to see Him as He was.
In God’s greatest commandment, I think that’s what He is asking. God wants us to recognize exactly who He is and then God wants us to see a part of God in ourselves and our brothers and sisters so that we can love each other with kindness, patience, and forgiveness.
I pray one day some, if not all, of us will be able to open our eyes to the light of God.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
