Today, I was thinking about when I was younger. Specifically, when I was in middle school and high school. I really wanted to be able to fit in and have friends, but I didn’t know how to do it. I couldn’t change who I was. I didn’t do anything to anyone really, but I remember there were certain teachers and many students who just didn’t like me and had negative feelings towards me.
Looking back with my adult eyes, I realize now that the biggest thing that bothered them was that I was different, and I didn’t express a want to change and fit in. I think from the time that I was a little girl, I was always walking to the beat of my own drum. I felt like an alien in my own little world and although I was lonely, I couldn’t change my core no matter how much I tried or wanted to change.
It is just so strange how when someone doesn’t fit in, people tend to react with such negative emotions. I guess it goes back to that idea of fear. We don’t act like our true selves when we are scared and afraid. When we are confronted with someone different, often we fear because of the unknown.
However, all my life, feeling alien to everyone, I have always distrusted everyone and feared all that I meet. I think everyone is different from who I am. Yet I try to see beyond those differences. I am constantly reminding myself that the people around me are God’s children. Each person has the light of God within them. They might be different. Their path might be different. They might even hate me and want to do me harm, but if I can see God within them, then maybe I can find a bit of love in my heart for even the worst of them. Maybe that’s enough to begin a miracle, who knows?
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
