Nothing can change his love

            There’s this winter storm moving across the country right now.  Over the last twenty-four hours there have been twenty-six states under winter weather advisories.  My part of Texas has had to deal with the very edge of this weather system, but it really hasn’t been too bad for my family and our loved ones.  My prayers go out to the rest of the country knowing that there are several people dealing with very difficult conditions.

            For me personally, this system is messing with my head.  It hit me about two o’clock in the afternoon yesterday and it hasn’t stopped yet.  The barometric pressure dropped very low and then today the pressure changed significantly going up.  My head feels like it is in a squeeze box. 

            The worst part about this pressure sensitivity is that it isn’t very painful at first, instead I just feel nervous, upset and out of sorts.  That’s really scary.  It means that a physical state like a headache could change my mind to the point where I could act like I am incredibly upset and angry when I’m not really all that angry; I am just reacting to pressure on my brain. 

            None of us wants to face that fact, but anyone of us could have a brain injury or disorder that could completely change our personality or mood.   When my father started to suffer from the effects of Alzheimer’s disease, he wasn’t himself.  Yet at the same time, he was.  It was like all his inhibitions were removed.  He had this deep anger inside that he never let out and when he got the Alzheimer’s he finally wasn’t afraid to express it.   One of my fears is when I get old, what demons will I have hidden deep inside of me? 

            If the brain can change my mood and personality, then I worry about who I really am. When the pressure headaches start, I try to hold on to sanity by holding on to myself.  I try to stay calm and remember that if I start to feel upset it is probably my head.   I pray that this weather system will move on soon and my head will start to feel normal again. 

            During times like these, my faith gives me hope.  I might have dark demons hidden deep within myself.  I might even get upset and lash out because my brain is under pressure.  One day my brain could change my personality or mood, but there’s one thing my brain can’t touch: my relationship with God.   He knows me better than I know myself.  He knows the demons hidden deep down inside and he knows my spirit, who I truly am.  He loves me exactly as I am.  Nothing that happens, no injury, disorder, or disease will change that.  I am comforted knowing nothing can change His love for me. 

My faith saved me.  May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.