Last night my husband and I were watching a documentary about a conman. The lies he told were so outrageous it was hard to understand how his marks believed him and that they believed him for such a long time. Yet I felt a sense of empathy for his victims because I understood what it felt like to have some one use emotional and mental abuse to control every aspect of your life. I knew what it was like to feel imprisoned. My own mother did it to me.
The weird thing is even now I sometimes wonder if it was all in my own head and I’m am sure that these victims feel the same way. One woman kept saying things like what she had done to her family was unforgivable. Not what he had done. She felt guilt where her abuser didn’t even care.
That’s the problem with mental and emotional abuse; people don’t understand it. If my mother had strapped me down with chains and beat me with a belt causing bruises, then she would have had to suffer from consequences. People would have thought she was hurting me. Yet, what she did what lie and manipulate me trying to keep me at home as much as she could; she tried to make me believe that I couldn’t exist as a person without her. She may not have beat me down physically, but she beat me down emotionally.
I am certain I am not the only one. I just wish that more people could understand that it doesn’t take a physical restrain or blow to keep a person down or to hurt them. The only good part for me is that my primary care giver lied and manipulated me so much that I don’t give my trust to anyone easily. I don’t think there’s a conman or mentalist that would ever want to lock horns with someone like me. They would probably think I am a stubborn single-minded woman. The truth is it doesn’t matter what my mother did or that I have a mental disorder. I just refuse to let anything or anyone have control over my life except for God.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
