Today I had a project a work. Even though I didn’t have to finish it today, I got it in my head that I had to finish it today. It was one of my OCD thoughts. There was no rhyme or reason to it. I was just incredibly anxious and felt that if I finished the project, then I would feel better.
No matter what happened, I was a woman on a mission. I wasn’t going to let anything keep me from finishing that project. I even started to get a migraine headache, but I just ignored the pain.
That’s the thing about OCD that is so difficult to express. When these thoughts get stuck in my head, they take priority over everything else. They are like an alarm bell ringing inside my head and I feel like I want to do anything to make it stop. I feel ashamed to admit it, but I have done just about anything to make the thoughts go away.
Some days are better than others. I used to try to run away from the problem in a variety of ways. When I would turn to doctors, the answer was to take pills and numb the symptoms. It still isn’t easy, but lately I have been trying to put my faith in God.
My new favorite phrase is “because OCD.” I let the thoughts happen. I let myself feel like I have to finish the project and if I can, I try to finish it. The difference is I let myself and those around me know how I am feeling and I say I am feeling this way because OCD. Then, I let it go and move on. I put it in God’s hands. I don’t let it overwhelm me. I try to not let it get to the point where I am willing to do anything to make it stop.
The best way to not get to the edge is to put God between myself and the edge. I know He will be there and I know that I am safe. He won’t ever give me more than I can handle. He won’t abandon me. He won’t let me get so desperate that I will want or need to do anything harmful. Never again.
So maybe when it comes to OCD my favorite phrase is “because OCD”, but when it comes to faith, my favorite phrase is definitely, “Let go.”
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
