I have been realizing something about myself and the path that I am going down right now. I have a probability of being autistic. If that is true, then I have a great need for structure because I am so flexible. I found this out yesterday.
Last week, I had a fairly productive week. I got good writing done and I also accomplished a lot, but because my time wasn’t structured and I didn’t make any money at all, I felt unproductive. Yesterday, just because I had one tutoring session, I felt like the day was productive because I had one thirty-minute period of time that made very little money and was structured. It was even crazier considering that none of the students showed.
I’ve noticed on the social media for autism that it feels like many of them want to shape their environment to fit their disorder. And I understand that, I did that for the longest time with my anxiety. Then, when the pandemic came, I took my leap of faith and embraced the disorder and all the feelings that came with it. I don’t want to create a safe environment for myself, I want to live in the world and embrace it.
So, I need to learn how to find a balance now of how to have some structure that makes me feel good, but also embrace an artist lifestyle so that my creativity will flourish. I pray that God will guide me and help me to find that balance.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
