Today I took an exam. I didn’t pass it the first time, but I didn’t give up either. I kept studying and working at it until I passed it. I feel very strong because I had faith in myself to keep going and know that I could do it, but at the same time I also knew that part of it was my OCD. Once I started it, I just had to finish it. Sometimes that’s a good thing because many times one of the most difficult things in life is when life makes you fall or beats you down, you have to get back up and keep going.
I spoke to my husband about this recently. I couldn’t understand how people without faith in God did it. When everything falls apart and they are lying on the ground defeated, what helps them to get back up when there’s nothing left? For me, during those moments in my life and even when I don’t have those moments in my life, I have God at my side. I don’t need to be brave and courageous. I don’t need to be strong. I can be just my perfectly imperfect self because I know that He will lift me up and carry me when there’s nothing left.
Now, yes, the OCD is a powerful motivator. I must admit that, but it can go negative, too. I once brushed my teeth for over two hours because I just couldn’t get them clean. I sometimes feel like I just want to hide in a cave because the world feels so overwhelming. OCD isn’t good or bad. It just is. Sometimes it can really help me, but sometimes it can be very difficult. God created me perfectly with OCD so all I can do is try. On days like today, I did my best and tomorrow I will try again. I will continue to work at it and I will be thankful for every day He gives me a chance to continue to work at it and get better and learn more.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
