Today, I have gotten opportunities to reach out to other people and as usual, I am filled with dread. I think it is because of the whole definition of insanity thing. The definition of insanity is to do the same thing exactly the same way over and over again and expect to get the same results. Sometimes, I feel like that and I get depressed, not wanting to keep trying.
Then, I remember the myth of Sisyphus. He rolls the boulder up the hill, and it rolls back down and he continues to roll in up the hill for eternity. He isn’t insane because he realizes that the boulder is always going to roll back down that hill. He isn’t doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.
I guess that something I need to remember. All my life, I’ve reached out to people expecting some kind of connection, hoping for something in return. It reminds me of how some people approach prayer. They think it is a two-way street. They pray and ask God for help, and He responds. I’ve learned prayer isn’t a two-way street. I pray to feel closer to God, to commune with Him, and when I pray, the act changes me. I learn about God, myself, and the world. When I reach out to others, I don’t want to expect something in return. I don’t even know if that’s possible with me. What I do want is for the interaction to change me. I want every time I encounter one of my brothers or sisters, I commune with them, learning more about myself, my God, and my world. If the idea of the Universal Life has any validity, then the connection I have always thought I wanted or needed is already there in a much deeper way that I never realized. I just need to open my heart, mind, and spirit to it.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
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