Everyone wants to believe that they have a personal relationship to God that is unique and special. I believe that is true, but at the same time, we all must acknowledge that God has billions or more unique and special relationships with each and every one of his creations. It falls into the category of you can’t compare your relationship to anyone else’s relationship. There’s no comparison.
I guess the best way I can explain it is with my dogs. I have had several dogs over my lifetime. I loved all of them. My husband says that one particular dog is very special to him because she was the first dog we ever owned together. I can understand why he would feel this way. However, that’s not how I feel. I can’t compare any of them. I had very special and wonderful relationship with each of them. And my love for them was different in every case. That fact doesn’t diminish the love or uniqueness of our relationship. In fact, it makes it more special in my opinion. And I know it isn’t the same, but I would like to believe that God’s love is like that one a grander scale. He loves me and has a personal relationship with me that is unique and special. It can’t be compared to any other relationship. Just like I am unique as a person, so is God’s love for me.
There’s just one little hiccup. If I believe in the Universal Life, if I believe I am part of a greater life force, then I also have to believe that I only a small part of a whole. So, every snowflake is unique, but there’s also a snowstorm. Does God create each snowflake, or does He create the snowstorm? Is it a little of both? That’s a difficult one. I guess it is like a painter who paints a masterpiece. He creates each brushstroke and each brushstroke forms into the whole masterpiece.
The reason I have been contemplating all these ideas is I have been looking into Autism. The disorder explains many things about me, but nothing fits totally. I don’t know if I really want to go down this road. It isn’t because I’m afraid. If I have autism, the disorder probably helped me to break the cycle of abuse in my family. It would explain what’s been going on all my life. However, I don’t want to lose that feeling that I am unique. I know I am not special or better than everyone else, but if I had to go through all this for a reason, then I’d like it to be for something other than a missed diagnosis.
I guess I just need to remember that I can’t compare my life to anyone else’s life. And no matter what happens I am exactly who God intended me to be.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
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