I am having a bad headache day. I keep having bad headaches sometimes and I am getting better all the time at dealing with them, but I am noticing something interesting. It has to do with what makes me feel better or worse. I know that my rescue meds help get me through the headaches and sometimes take the headaches away, but I have begun to realize that inside of me there’s a power to feel better or worse and it has more to do with my mind and spirit than any drug.
I want to be able to understand how it works so that I harness that power within me. My best way of explaining it is to use drugs in the metaphor. I was administered pain drugs in the ER for my headache once and they were very powerful. When I felt them work, I felt like a warm blanket was coming over my body. The feeling started at the top of my head, and it traveled down my body to my toes. As this feeling travelled through my body, I felt this warm slightly tingle and as it traveled, I felt a peaceful sensation in my body. I felt my muscles relax and I felt somewhat sleepy.
Now, that sensation was artificial and drug induced, but I have had the same sensation occur naturally and I have also had the opposite sensation. The opposite sensation occurs when I feel anger, pain, or anxiety. I feel my muscles contract in my body and my mind just gets muddled. Instead of feeling peace, my body feels like chaos. Nothing feels right. It isn’t difficult to figure out what triggers those episodes. I know exactly how they occur, and I know when they happen. I have learned how to deal with them and how to ask God for guidance and help when they come up.
The ones I don’t understand and want to know better are the times when I feel peace without drugs. I find myself in a difficult situation and a memory or feeling will come into my mind. Something in my spirit or brain that I know, but my not understand pops into my consciousness. Suddenly, I feel this amazing feeling of the same tingle and warmth in my body. I feel that same peace. For a little while, all my muscles relax, and I feel like everything is right with the world. I don’t know if it is a physical reaction, a brain reaction, or a spiritual reaction, but when it happens it feels wonderful. Sometimes it only last a few minutes, sometimes it can last for hours or even days.
Today, I am too tired and feel too sick to work it out, but I know that there’s something inside of me. I don’t have all the answers of this earthly world, but I am beginning to believe that inside of me are many of the answers that I need. One of the biggest problems I have with religion is telling people that they don’t know, but I believe that we have all the answers within us. We have just forgotten how to tap into that great collective body of knowledge that we are all part of. I think we all have glimpses of it now and then, and I would love to be able to feel that connection to the rest of all living things. I hope that I can understand myself and others so that I can feel that peace and love inside of myself more and more and not only feel it for myself, but also share that with others.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
