I have been on an interesting journey this week. I have been in search of an answer, and I got an answer, just not the one that I wanted.
A couple of weeks ago, I had a headache, and I remembered a dream where I had found something that helped me to feel like everything in my life was going to be alright and I was at peace. I knew it had a number of steps and I remember the numbers 357. However, that’s all I could remember. For a few minutes, that memory filled my entire body with this peaceful tingling and warmth. That feeling even made my headache feel better. Since then, I have been trying to figure out what it was because I want to know how to get that feeling on my own and if I can learn how to do it, then I can share that with others.
So, I get out my books on ancient mysteries and myths and I search. I look up symbols on the Internet and I even find a few possibilities, but nothing seems right. I find this one symbol called the Ennegram. I am familiar with it because Christians like to use it for spiritual growth as a personality test. I don’t like personality test because they don’t normally work well on me. I’m not really right-brained or left-brained. I am a little of both. I am both creative and analytical. I am good with numbers and writing. So, when I take personality test, no one personality really shines through because I don’t fit into anyone categories. I guess that’s part of why I always feel like I am an alien. Most people like taking personality test and finding out which personality type they are. I always feel like those tests are trying to put me into a box. The Ennegram is one of those type of personality test, but it is also more. The only problem is that it’s origins are dubious. I don’t know if I can really trust them.
I saw a video about one aspect of the laws of three and seven. The law of three essentially is what I already figured out. The three aspects of ourselves have to learn to work together. The law of seven is that everything is in a constant state of change. I already knew that one, too. It didn’t seem like the Ennegram had anything new for me.
Then, last night as I was getting ready for bed, I realized that although I totally know that I will find this “357” thing and it will bring me peace, it will come in God’s time. I can’t force it. I kept hoping that if I found it, it could be like a magic bullet to help my headache and that it could help others, but last night I remembered the first commandment. That I shall have no other gods above God. I realized that when I am in pain I shouldn’t be searching for some magical cure, I should be turning to Him.
The book I read about ancient mysteries had a section about magic. It essentially said that magic exists, but that whenever the intention of the magic becomes corrupted that magic turns to black magic and lets evil in. Once evil is in, then it is almost impossible to protect yourself to what you have let into your life. Therefore, it does make any sense to practice any type of magic because it is too dangerous. Why put your soul in danger?
So, it is ironic that yesterday, as I looked into the Ennegram, the video that I found that explained it the best also explained that I should download a free book that went into greater detail about it including red magic, white magic, and black magic. I have no idea if this person actually knows anything about magic, but what I do realize is whether the person knows it or not, the information they are sharing, especially about magic is very likely to be corrupted from the originally ancient mystery and will open me up to ancient and dangerous evil.
I do want to understand the mysteries. I want to know how our Universe works and be a better person. I’d love to get to the point where I can share some of what I know with others, but I have to remember that there’s no magic bullet; there’s only God.
Life is a difficult and long journey filled with failure and pain, but it is also filled with love and faith. I’d love to be able to snap my fingers and make my pain go away, but that’s not the plan. I’d love to be in a constant state of Nirvana for the rest of my life, but that’s not being able to really live and embrace all that life has to offer. I want what God wants for me. He wants me to be human and experience all that life has to offer. So, I am going to that and when it gets difficult because I know it always does, I will pray and ask Him to hold me in His arms and help me to get through the difficult parts that I struggle with. I know His will be there for me. He always will be. I have faith.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
