I just completed my weekly weigh in. I gained three pounds in one week. That’s more than I have in a long time. I have been feeling really awful this week. I had my occipital nerve block procedure. For several days afterward, I didn’t feel right. I had to sleep and lie down. It wasn’t until Friday that I started to feel somewhat normal, but even then, I woke up at four a.m. with a migraine.
However, there’s a strange coincidence going on in my life right now. I wrote about trying to find the link between orange and purple this week or in non-chakra terms the link between the spiritual and the physical body.
This morning is like something hitting me on the head. I have been feeling lost spiritually and in my mind lately, especially this week. Now, my body has shown up and given me clues saying the same thing.
It’s almost like this has been a flashing light in front of my eyes the entire time, but I just didn’t want to see it. I remember in high school, during P.E. class they asked us to write the top ten things most important in our lives. I knew they wanted us to put health as number one or at least in the top five. I did my very best to put it in the bottom. I just didn’t want to conform to their idea of what my life should be.
I have never wanted to be a person who cared a lot about my health. It probably comes from the fact that every time I had a health issue, my mother accused me of being a hypochondriac. However, today I am realizing that every day my body is giving me signals and for the most part I choose to ignore them. I have been mistakenly believing that my body is just this separate shell around my spirit that gives me grief.
I don’t need to search for clues in my everyday interaction with the world to understand my struggle with the world. If I just listened to my body, I might just find some of the clues that I am searching for as much as I hate to admit it.
When I am lost in darkness and can’t find my way, I have noticed that things in my life don’t work out right. However, I haven’t notice that my body also response to getting lost in the darkness. When things aren’t right with me, my body shows me in many different ways. And the stupid part is I’ve been ignoring it. I believed that it was just discomfort or pain. Something to be dismissed. Treating myself so much like my mother would. And that’s a great way to lose myself.
I know that there’s not much I can do about it when I feel bad, but I also realize that I shouldn’t ignore it. When things don’t go right in my life, God is trying to tell me something. I pray. I look for signs. I try to figure it out and improve. When my body doesn’t feel good, I am starting to realize that it is God trying to tell me something. Even if it is just God’s way of using my body and a pressure reading to tell me when I am under a lot or a little stress. I need to pray, look for the signs, and improve.
I understand it, but it is so very difficult to do. So, please dear God help me.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
