Today was my first day of work in January. January is a busy month in accounting. All through December I was getting more and more stressed out in anticipation of January. Now that it is here. I feel the stress. I can even feel it in my body. My shoulders are getting tense like the would right before a migraine headache. I am having shortness of breath and feel like a weight is on my chest just like I do when I have an anxiety attack. It is driving me crazy because I know it is all in my mind.
I have all this work that I need to do this month. I have an entire month to get it done. And yet in my OCD mind, I just keep thinking that I have to get it done as soon as possible. I feel like I won’t be able to relax until all the work is done. It usually works out that way. I get really stressed during January and I work a lot to try to get it all done. And I don’t feel relaxed until February.
This situation is very much like my life living with OCD. I am faced with life itself and I feel the pressure to take care of myself and all my responsibilities. With my OCD, I feel nervous and anxious. I don’t feel like I can relax until I take care of everything, but the problem is that in life it is a constant struggle. Nothing ever ends until I die. So, I have to learn to live with that struggle. I have to learn to take it one day at a time and trust in God that I don’t have to do it all at once.
It takes faith to step back and say, I don’t have to do it all right now. It takes even more faith to say, if I fail, then the world isn’t going to come to an end. Every January, I face that struggle and I find myself turning to God asking for help. Every January, I struggle and I hope that I get better each year. And each year, I hope I get just a little better at applying the same faith to my own life.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
