I am having a difficult day today where I am really struggling. There’s been a cold front coming in and it is messing with my head. We haven’t had too many fronts coming in that have messed with the barometric pressure lately, so my head’s been good. However, today’s been one of the worse days I have had in a long time.
When I take my rescue meds, they help me. I have found a really good combination, but it also doesn’t feel that great. If I mix my rescue meds with some of my over the counter meds, then the headache goes away most of the time, the only problem is that I fall asleep and when I wake up I feel strange. I wake up feeling like I have been in a bad dream.
Several years ago, my doctor prescribed a drug for me that was supposed to be 10mg, but he made a mistake and prescribed 100mg. When I took the drug, I fell asleep and had some really bad nightmares. I felt like I couldn’t wake up. When I finally did wake up, I knew something was off and so I forced myself to sit up and get out of bed. I sat up and tried to stay awake until the drug wore off. I didn’t take that dose ever again. I later found out that when people take high doses of that drug it can sort of put them into a zombie like state. I understood that feeling. When I took the higher dose, those dreams of not being able to wake up probably were dreams as much as they were my trying to wake up and not being able to do so.
When I take drugs for my headaches, I understand that they do help. However, they remind me so much of that feeling of being asleep and not being able to wake up. The very first real horror story I wrote was about a woman who is attacked and then wakes up in a coma but she is still conscious. She can’t communicate or move her body. It is like she is stuck inside her body and can’t wake up. I guess it is one of my fears.
I want to feel better when I have headaches, but I have a difficult time letting go of control and letting the meds to their work. I find it such an interesting coincidence because my mom had the same problem. She would always fight against any medication that was given to her because she was afraid to lose control.
I hope that God can help guide me in this situation. I don’t want to be like my mother and not be able to get the help I need because I am afraid. However, at the same time, I don’t want to be in a drug-induced hazed all the time. I pray that God will help me find the best way to live with the migraines.
My faith saved me. May God’s peace reside in all of our hearts.
